Stranger
by carnivalparade
Summary: AkuRoku
1. PROLOGUE

_Let's meet again… in the next life..._

-

You're stranger with a face. A face with skin so flawless. Soft like silk and torrid like fire. Stunning eyes of emerald. Perfect pools of deep green, clever and unreadable. Hair of fire. A mess of crimson spikes. And a mouth so outspoken and cocky. With a tongue so experienced. I can feel your lips pressed on mine. Like it really happened. You're face with a name. A name so soft on my tongue. So sweet in my mouth. Yielding in my throat. A title fitting. One that lingers in my memories and dreams. And words of a voice so soothing and luring. Echoes in my memories. Promises from a time before. A previous life. I know, somehow. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know. I know I remember you. From something, from somewhere. Or… maybe I know I don't. You are nothing to me. I am nothing to you. I don't know you, but I remember you.

Everything is coming back to me.

In pieces and so slowly, but surly coming back.

I can't help but know you, remember you.

Axel.

That is your name, right?

-

I remember a secret. A secret so comforting and alluring. So warm a pure. Unsure but so secure. We spent time together, laughed together, did a lot together. I think.

-

You don't even remember me.

It's _me_, Roxas!

You remember don't you?

The nights we spent together?

The countless times I told you I love you?

No, of course not.

I don't even know why _I_ know this…

-

Something about a life before. A life so confusing. A life I spent mostly in the dark. Except when I was with _you_.

-

I see you at school everyday, but I never talk to you.

I see you with all your friends and without me.

There's twelve of you, you and all your friends.

Sometimes… I wish I was the Thirteenth.

-

We were best friends. We were _lovers_. We were each other's worlds. Each other's everything. You were all I needed in life.

-

Everyday, I feel like I know you more.

And everyday, you seem farther and farther away.

You really don't remember me, do you?

After all the trouble you went through to never lose me?

After our promise?

Its okay…

I understand.

You lied to me.

-

Maybe… this isn't the 'next life' you were talking about…

Its okay, I can wait…

We can meet in the next life… or however many lives it takes for me to get you back…


	2. A Name

_When I became a teenager, my parents told me things would start to change. They told me I'd make new friends and that me and my brother wouldn't be as close anymore. They said id start liking the girls I used to think were 'icky' and that id start to understand who I am. They told me everything would become easier to understand. They said that I may not see it right away, but id be changing for the better. My parents had never been so wrong…_

_

* * *

_

When Roxas woke up, it was sudden and abrupt. Mid-dream, he forced his eyes open, bringing his unconscious hallucination to a sudden halt only to be embraced by cold air and complete darkness. He sat up quickly, holding his head.

Lately, I've been having these strange dreams. With an unknown, but far too familiar voice and face. A beautiful face. A memorable face. In my dreams I feel empty and meaning less like something's missing. I feel alone when I'm not with you, but… who is 'you?'

I'm with people I never met, but I'm so comfortable with them. I'm so lost and confused and uninformed but its okay when I'm with you. I feel happy and complete like a huge whole has been filled. Then I feel guilt and sorrow and pain in my heart. What did I do to you? What did I do to us?

And then… I wake up. In cold sweat and on the brink of tears. But… it's just a dream. And dreams are nothing. They mean nothing… right?

I'm beginning to think that I might be going crazy. I look at my brother and wish I could be like him. Like everyone else. While he and my friends worry about school and what they're doing to over the weekend, I'm stuck dwelling on strange thoughts dressed as memories. Didn't my parent say things would be easy to understand? Life had never been more confusing.

I'm a little jealous of them, but Naminé told me not to be. She said that I am lucky. That not all of us will remember? I don't know what she meant, but I think she knows something about me that I need to know. Ill need to talk to her tomorrow…

* * *

No matter how bad I wanted to talk to Naminé, school was still the last place I wanted to be. Recently, I've been uncomfortable and uneasy here. I forced myself to smile for my friends and pay attention in class. Except when I was passing notes to Naminé. She told me she'd talk to me after school. I can't wait, but I don't want school to end. I'm anxious, but afraid.

I never felt afraid when I was with you. I felt so safe and content. Like nothing could go wrong. I wish I could get that feeling back, but that's all in my dreams. It's not real. Just distant thoughts that feel so real. My dreams and thoughts are becoming more of a reality to me than what is actually real. I hope Naminé doesn't think I'm insane…

* * *

"Roxas."

…

"You're remembering things now… aren't you?"

"Dreaming."

"You're memories. You're determination held onto them. You never had a heart, but you're the only one who's able to remember."

"What… do you mean?" I didn't have to worry about Naminé thinking I was crazy. She sounded more insane than all my thoughts doubled.

"You made a promise. We all did. You, me, your brother, your friends… and him."

"What promise Naminé, what are you talking about?"

"You'll understand when you find him. You need to find him. He's your heart."

* * *

Naminé's words were a little wild, but they made so much sense. There is something missing. Since the dreams started I felt a little incomplete without you. But even so, just having you in my dreams wasn't enough. Not remembering you and not being with you crushed my heart.

She told me to find my heart. What does that mean?

_He was the only one… that made me feel… like I had a heart…_

My eyes widened and realization struck me hard. I never had my heart. I shared a heart. With 'him'… with _you_.

"Ax…le…"

My eyes stung and my breathing quickened, growing raspy.

"Axel…" that… is your name…


	3. A Secret

"Axel… why don't I have a heart?"

_I wasn't looking at him at the moment, but I could feel his confused eyes staring at me. I always asked such odd questions._

_"Haha, I'm sorry it was a stupid question."_

_"Roxas, are you sure you don't have a heart?"_

_"Well," I sat contemplating. "Everyone tells me I don't. But… when I'm sitting up here with you… everyday I feel whole. Complete. Like I don't need a heart because…" smiling childishly, I turned to Axel. "I have you."_

_"Roxas…" he was taken back, that much I could tell. "Kiss me."_

_"What? Here? Again? But why?"_

_"Geez, I didn't know it was such a chore for you," Axel pouted, folding his arms and turning away._

_I giggled to myself, placing a gloved hand on Axel's beautiful face. I turned him to face me, leaning forward to crash his lips onto my own. Sucking his lip he gladly let me into his hot mouth. Smiling under his soft lips, I giggled, our tongues dancing together._

_Breaking away Axel stared deep into my eyes, "I love you."_

_"You want to love me," my voice was a little sad, though I held a smile on my lips._

_"No Roxas, I do love you. You are my heart."_

_"And you are mine. I love you too."_

_He leaned forward attempting to plant his lips over mine for the fifth time that day. Stopping him abruptly earning a look of confusion, I placed my hand over his mouth._

_"Will… we always be together?"_

_"Roxas…"_

_"You say my name a lot."_

_"I like your name. And… we will be together. Always."_

_"Promise?"_

_Axel laughed._

_"Don't laugh at me," my tone was whiny._

_"You like promises."_

_"and secrets," I smiled."_

_"And secrets," he repeated. "Okay. I promise we will always be together."_

_"Promise not to break your promise?"_

_"Oh come on Roxas have a little faith."_

_"Alright I trust you. Besides, my heart wouldn't lie to me."_

_"Hey Roxas… you know, this has to be a secret."_

_Removing my ice cream from my mouth I looked up at Axel, "what does?"_

_"This. Us."_

_"w-what do you mean?"_

_"No one can know about you and me."_

_"How come? You're… you're not embarrassed of me… are you?"_

_"Oh God no, Roxas. But if the Organization found out, we'd be in a lot of trouble."_

_I sniffed, "well… I don't want you to get in trouble…"_

_"And I don't want you to get in trouble either."_

_"So… that means we're going to have to act like we don't love each other?"_

_"Yes, but Roxas, don't let it get to you. You need to know that no matter what, I love you. I promise. Okay? So don't be sad."_

_"Okay. If protecting you means I need to keep our love a secret, then I will."_

* * *

I shot up from my bed with tears in my eyes. Another dream. Another memory. Another reminder of everything I lost. She was right, you _are_ my heart. And I need you.

Why? Why can't be happy? Even in my dreams something tugs at my heart. I hurt you, didn't I?

I don't understand anything anymore. Not one single thing. I can't be happy. Not even in my dreams. I don't want these memories. If these memories of you can tear my heart up this much… then I wish I could forget all about you.

But I can't… I know I can't.

All I can do is hope.

Hope that, perhaps, I can find you… Axel.


	4. A Heart

"Axel? My brother?"

"Your _brother_?"

Kairi stared at me and my brother, "I'll never get over that creepy twin thing, but yeah. I have a brother, his name is Axel."

"Wow! I wanna meet him!" wonder glistened in Sora's eyes."

"Sure, you too Roxas."

"My stomach turned.

* * *

"So… you found him?"

"Yes… well, no. I'm going to meet him. Naminé, do you think he'll remember me?"

* * *

I can't sleep tonight. I don't want to. I don't want to have to wake up _tomorrow_. Looking around my room, I focused on my brother.

"You're so lucky. You and Kairi and Riku. None of you have to go through this. but… I'm glad. I'm glad _you _get to be happy.

I wonder if Naminé feels this way. Like she's missing something. If she misses anyone… she said we're all connected through me. And that only I can unlock everyone's heart.

And you, Axel… do you remember me? Will you keep your promise?

* * *

"Axel… you're Axel?"

"Yep! Go it memorized?"

"Y-yeah… sure," he was exactly as I remembered. Same eyes, same face. Same everything.

"And you are?"

My whole body seemed to slump. My heart was heavy and my face depressed, "Roxas… my name is Roxas."

* * *

Axel… how could you? My face meant nothing to you. My _name _meant nothing to you. It's _me,_ Roxas! Not… that… it matters.

What do I do? I need to get my heart back, get _you _back, before anyone else can. But does that mean… that you don't get your heart back… until I do?

Water stung my eyes.

That's impossible! How am I supposed to do that? I don't know what to do…

How could you not remember? If you're supposed to be my heart, and I'm yours, how could you not?

Unless… you chose not to remember. Maybe… you didn't want to remember… I feel like I did something to hurt. That's why my heart hurts so much when I dream of you.

_No one would miss me…_

_That's not true…_

_I would…_

Clasping my hand over my mouth, tears poured down my face. I don't believe it. How could _I_ leave _you_? It's my fault. All my fault. You couldn't keep a promise I made you break. _I _was the one who wanted us to be together forever. And… _I _was the one who left…

It's my fault. Now no one will get their hearts back. And no one will remember. And I'll never get rid of these dreams and memories. And… I'll never… get my heart back.

* * *

Even… after we spent night after night together. Secretly meeting when everyone else slept. Whispering each others names and filling the air with moans and sighs.

My face flushed.

We would kiss on the bed, yours and mine. And each night it got farther and farther.

Shaking my head, I tired to get off the subject.

Your warm hands on my bare chest. Our body pressed together. Sweat mixing on our skin and saliva exchanging in our mouth.

Oh God this is so wrong. I closed my eyes tight, hoping soar, sitting next to me wouldn't notice.

And each time I told you I loved you. It was real. Each night we spent together… was real. Each heatless emotion and expression was real. All of it. All for you.

But…

"You don't remember…" I whispered softly."

* * *

I still don't understand everything. I know that you are my heart. And I am yours. And somehow, everyone I know is connected to one another, but no one remembers. I need to do something and make everyone remember?

But… why do we need to remember? _What_ do we need to remember? These memories… where are they from?


	5. A Life

I'll be waiting…

* * *

A_xel and I had been really busy lately. And, as fate would have it, we were never paired for missions and we never had time to meet after missions. One of us would always leave before the other and the other would get back first. We never saw each other. It was as though the instant we promised to keep our secret a secret; we were forced to never see each other again. We saw each other rarely and tried to make conversation at ever given opportunity, but we made zero contact and, I wasn't sure about Axel, but I was craving him more and more every day._

_I missed his company, his voice, his laugh, his lips. His love now seemed out of my reach. But…_

_I couldn't worry about that. I had a bigger goal. A goal that would help us both in the long run. Kingdom Hearts._

_I needed to feed it._

_Me, and my Keyblade._

_Besides, that was our goal. All of us, Organization XIII. Heartless in human form, Nobodies. That's all we were… Nobodies…_

_But if I could collect hearts and complete Kingdom Hearts, then the Organization would get their hearts. Then we could live normal lives. Then me and Axel wouldn't need to keep everything a secret._

_I followed every given order. Down to the specifics. Whatever it would take to get a heart. Even if I already had one…_

_My life was empty and dark. I had nothing but a name. Just Roxas. And that was it. No memories like the rest of them, just whatever anyone would tell me. My life was controlled. I was bound be a coat and a Number. Thirteen. I hid from each world, doing everything I was told. For no reason, beyond the fact that it was an order._

_

* * *

_

_"I keep having… these strange dreams. I see a boy and his friends. In my dreams, I am this boy, but… I've never met him. Or his friends."_

_It had been the first time Axel and I met at the Clock Tower in weeks._

_"I leave you alone for just a little while, and you can't keep your mind straight? C'mon Roxy, you better get your act straight."_

_"Gee thanks, I knew you'd be no help."_

_"No help? Me? Well then, maybe I should just leave."_

_"You couldn't leave if you wanted to."_

_"Oh, ho ho. And what makes you so sure?"_

_"Because Axel… You. Want. Me."_

_I looked up at Axel with lust-filled eyes. Visibly taken back, he didn't answer_

_"Don't you?" slowly, I pulled the zipper of my coat down, taunting him._

_He smirked, placing his hand under my chin, "more than anything in the world." He pressed his lips onto mine passionately. Opening a portal, to probably one of our rooms, he lifted me from my usual seat at the Tower, "but not here."_

_Not caring which one of our rooms we made it into, I pushed Axel onto the bed, pouncing on top of him, "you want me?"_

_Pulling my head down, he thrust his tongue through my lips. Moaning into the kiss, I could feel Axel's arousal through his coat. I smirked._

_He pulled away, "so badly."_

_"Well…" I spoke seductively, sitting up. "Too bad," jumping off the bed, I zipped my coat up._

_"W-what? R-Roxas… you can't do that!"_

_"Aww Axel," I walked to the bed, cupping his arousal in my hand. "You're just going to have to wait."_

_"F-fuck you," Axel spoke through clenched teeth._

_"Oh, so hard Axel," I moaned. "I need you to fuck me so hard. Oh God Axel, harder, please!"_

_"Ahhh shit Rox, don't fucking tease me."_

_I giggled, "I'll see you later Axel."_

_

* * *

_

Life. I hated life without you. Every moment lacking your presence may as well have been death. I felt nothing without you. Or… nothing _good._ Just sadness and loneliness and emptiness. But I did what I was told everyday, hoping that karma would, eventually, give us time together. Eventually…


	6. A Crisis

Maybe… my parents were a little correct…

Just a little…

I _have_ made new friends. I talk to Naminé a lot more and I'm spending more time with Kairi than ever. I don't think she realizes it's just so I can see you. Even if it's just for a moment or two.

I wait with her after school everyday just to see you when you come to pick her up. I wish you could be one of my 'new' friends too. But… I see you with all your friends. All eleven of them. I remember their faces. And their voices. From my dreams. From our memories. There's no room for me.

And… I'm not as close to Sora as I was before. He walks home alone now. And… I think he's mad about all the time I spend with Kairi and not with him. But… he doesn't know that all I want is you.

* * *

"Axel… are we friends?"

"Sure we are, I guess."

"Oh… kay," I wasn't as happy with the answer as I though I would be.

"Why?"

"No reason. I was just wondering."

I wasn't looking, but I could feel your sympathetic eyes looking down at me. Why?

"What… do you think about me?"

"Roxas…"

My stomach clenched. That voice. That was how you would always say my name when I needed you to comfort me.

"I'm sorry. It was a stupid question," suddenly, I didn't want to hear the answer anymore.

* * *

Not long ago, all I wanted to do was find you, Axel. I realize now, that I was willing to do anything to find you. I didn't even think of what would happen.

I didn't think about the positives. I could find you, and you'd remember be. And we could be happy. _Everyone_ could be happy. Everyone would have their memories back. Their hearts.

I didn't think about the negatives. You could remember me, and hate me for leaving. Or worse, you could have forgotten me entirely and been completely out of my grasp. And no one would be happy.

I didn't think at all.

But now I know… I acted without thought, but… at least now I know. You didn't want to remember me. So you didn't.

Maybe… our last lives weren't so great. Maybe _everyone_ wanted to forget. Maybe that's why I'm the only one who remembers.

I keep telling myself that I want to give everyone's heart back.

But… maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe no one _wants_ their hearts back and I just want you so badly, that I'm willing to force everyone to remember.

I'm so selfish…

Maybe… I should just give up…

* * *

"But… he doesn't even remember me."

"But think of everyone else, Roxas."

"What if they don't want to remember, Naminé? _I_ remembered and I sure as hell wish I didn't! I'm tortured by these memories!"

"Roxas, calm yourself. It's because you're alone. Tell me, do you feel as tortured when you talk to me? When you talk to someone else who remembers?"

I shook my head.

"Exactly. They resemble something you don't have. Something you need to get back."

"But Axel didn't want to remember. What if no one wanted to?"

"You don't know that Roxas."

"If my being unhappy means everyone else gets to be happy, then I'll be unhappy. I'll remember so no one else has to. This is everyone's second chance. They don't need their past lives. They can start over."

* * *

Naminé told me, my choice would probably tear my world apart.

But that's okay.

You get to be happy and… I guess that's all the matters.

* * *

I guess it would be selfish to give everyone's heart back.

I want mine back and I want to give you yours, but… I can't. Not if you won't let me. Not if you don't want it.

I want you to be happy, but…

I want to stop crying.

I want to stop remembering and dreaming.

I want to stop.

My memories haunt me. It as if all I know is what I lost.

My dreams torture me. I even remember the last time I woke without tears on my face.

My thoughts confuse me. Everything contradicts.

My choices leave me with no choice. I need to live with my nightmares of a past life for everyone else's sake.

I need to give up.

But…

I don't want to.

I don't want everything I lost to be lost forever.

I don't want my dreams to be 'just a dream.'

I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to give up.

* * *

"What will happen if I unlock my heart?"

"You'll release everyone else's."

"And they will remember?"

She nodded.

"How does that work? Will they just wake up one morning and-"

"No. It'll be as though they never forgot. To them, it'll seem as though they always had their hearts."

"So… no one will remember anything about this life?"

"Only those who remember now will remember later, otherwise… it'll be like 'this life' never happened."

"So… Sora won't be my brother anymore."

"Correct."

"Oh…"

"Everything will change. Nothing from this life will remain aside from the subtle memories you and I will share."

"What will happen?"

"Think of it as… a continuation of the last life. Everything that already happened will have happened and life will go on."

"Naminé… how- how do you know this?"

She smiled, "because, Roxas, I did this."

"You- what?"

"Everyone made a promise. The meet in the next life. It wouldn't be possible. Not really. So I preserved those memories, but… I didn't mean for them to be stored in one person. I'm sorry, Roxas."

* * *

She did it for everyone, but in the end… it's still my choice… right?

It feels like I don't have a say anymore.

Letting everyone forget would be easier. I don't know how to get my heart back, let alone, unlock it.

I should just give up. Everyone's happy.

Except… me.


	7. A Dream, A Confession, A Truth

_"Rox, wake up… come on Roxy wake up."_

_'Roxy'… no one ever called me that but, "Axel…?"_

_"C'mon sleepy head."_

_"Axel," I groaned, still half asleep. "It's too early! Go away!" I felt something heavy on my bed as Axel crawled next to me. Turning, I opened my eyes, "what?"_

_"Were you dreaming of me?"_

_I blushed, "n-no! Never! Of course not!"_

_"You were saying my name in your sleep."_

_"I was not," I thought for a moment. "Axel, how long have you been in here?"_

_"Hn, long enough."_

_"You pedophile," I said looking away._

_"Only for you," Axel spoke shifting himself on top of me._

_"Was… I really saying your name?"_

_"You were… you told me… you're leaving…"_

_What…? I opened my eyes, not realizing at all when I had them closed. Axel stood a good five feet behind me._

_"I need to know who I am, I'll never know if I stay here. I need to find out," the words came from my mouth, but weren't my own._

_"What about all your friends? What about getting a heart? What about me?"_

_My body stood silent and stationary, despite how much I begging it to turn around._

_"Are you just going to leave all that behind?"_

_"I… I don't need those things," I felt tears in my eyes. Tears that wouldn't dare escape the eyes of my cold-hearted body, "I don't need any of it. I don't care about any of it. Not my friends; not my heart; not you, Axe_l."

* * *

My head shot up and I stood quickly.

"Roxas, what are you doing?" my brother asked in a hushed tone.

"Roxas? Is something wrong? Are you ill?" my teacher called from the front of the class room.

Without listening to either, I ran from the room.

"Roxas!" I heard my teacher and brother yell after me.

* * *

At this point, I'm as good as out of my mind. I ditched school in the middle of class right in front of my teacher without much of a thought or hesitation at all. And now, here I am, running across Destiny Islands in as attempt of something I knew would fail. With every step I felt more and more like what I was about to do would end vainly.

I won't give up, Naminé!

* * *

"Roxas… Kairi's at school. You have school today you know."

I shook my head almost violently, "I just left school. I came to see you!"

"Me? Why?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Okay?"

"Axel… do you love me?"

"Roxas, what are you-"

"Just answer me! Do you still love me?"

"'Still?' Roxas, I hardly know you."

"You lie! You're my best friend!"

He looked like he was just about ready to slam the door in my face, but instead, he pulled me into the house, "what are you doing Roxas?"

"Why won't you remember me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're heart! Why won't you remember? Kingdom Hearts! And Organization XIII? Don't you remember?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Why won't you remember? You have no idea how hard it is without you! You have no idea what I have to go through to not have you and to try and get you back!"

"I have no idea? You think I don't know? How do you think I felt when you left and _I_ was sent to get you back from DiZ? What do you thin _I_ when through?" Axel covered his mouth, swearing under his breath.

"You… you do remember…"

He looked away.

"Why? Why didn't you say anything?"

Still, he said nothing.

"All this time! All thins time you knew who I was and you didn't say a thing?"

"What could I say Rox? What could I do? You felt me alone!"

"So that's what it is? This is some way of getting back at me? I have to go through everything you did? I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I left, but I needed to find out who I was!"

"Stupid kid… you were Roxas… that's it. No one else."

"What do you know Axel? You don't know what I went through! You had all _your_ memories! You kept me in the dark! You knew who I was!"

"I was trying to protect you! I loved you!" Axel held a firm grip on my shoulders, obviously pained and angered.

Tears ran down my face. I was tired and I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to be mad anymore either, but… something in me wouldn't let it go. How… how could you remember and not even care?

I felt his grip loosen, "Roxy…"

My head shot up to look into his eyes. You were the only one… who ever called me that…

He pulled me close; wrapping his arms around me, "I'm sorry…" he spoke softly, holding my close.

"How could you…" I sobbed softly into Axel's chest.

"I'm sorry."

"Will… you take you take you're heart back?"

Axel extended his arms, holding me away from him, looking straight into my eyes, "I will always love you."

"Axel, I lo-"

"But… I won't take my heart back… and I won't give you yours either."

"You… what?"

He was quiet.

"Why not? You just told me you loved me!"

"I do."

"Then _why_?"

"Didn't Naminé tell you?"

"Yes! If I unlock my heart, I can unlock everyone else's!"

"That's all she said?"

"Basically. What does it matter? Why won't you take your heart?"

"Because I'm selfish. Because I don't care if everyone wants their old hearts back. Roxy, don't you know? If you unlock that heart of yours, you'll disappear."

My eyes widened.

"You won't exist anymore, and I won't remember you. _I_ won't even be _me_ anymore. 'Axel' will be gone."

"What do you mean?"

"Your twin."

"My brother?"

"Your _Other_," he corrected.

"What about him?"

"He is the 'true' existence. You will return to him and you will be gone. That's what happens when Nobodies get their hearts _back_. Same for me: I'll return to my Other as well… If you stayed. If we completed Kingdom Hearts, we would have gotten _new _hearts. And 'Roxas' wouldn't be 'Sora' anymore."

"But…"

"I won't lose you again. Si won't give you your heart back. Even if it means, we can never see each other again. Roxy… I'm sorry," Axel kissed my forehead gently, moist tears making their way from his gorgeous emerald eyes.


	8. The End

"Roxas lets go back."

I looked to Axel a little confused, "what do you mean?"

"To our old life. We can be happy again."

"What? But-"

"You know… I missed you. A lot. Even as a child, I remembered you. I always dreamed of finding you. And when you came home with Kairi one day, I was so excited to see you again. For the first time in _years_ I got to see you."

"But… you acted like you had no clue who I was."

"Only because I didn't know you remembered me. If I had known, I would have said something in a heart beat."

"But the other day…"

"I… I was stupid. I panicked. I didn't mean anything. I do love you and I do want my heart back and… I do want to give you yours."

"But I'll… we'll disappear."

"No. There's a way. Trust me Roxas. Nothing will keep us apart. I spoke to Naminé. She told me herself. There's always a way."

"You… you promise?"

"I promise."

"Really?"

"Really, really?"

"You're not lying?"

"Should I seal it with a kiss?"

"You should."

Axel smiled, "do one thing for me first."

"Anything."

"Wake up."

"What?"

"Roxas, wake up."

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL!" I screamed loudly.

Sora jumped back, "Roxas what's wrong?"

"S-Sora…?"

"Y-yes?"

"Sora…" I grabbed my brother's wrist, pulling him on the bed.

"Roxas, are you okay? Your acting weird," Sora pressed the back of his free hand to my forehead. "You were dreaming, I think. But you were moving around a lot. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Sora," I laced my fingers with my brother's, whispering into his ear.

"Why do you keep saying my name?"

"Sora… would you be better off without me?"

"Roxas… what are you saying?"

"If I was gone, would you be happier?"

"What? No! NO, NEVER!" Sora pulled away from me looking into my eyes with a horrified expression.

"What if… what if you didn't have to remember me after I was gone? Then would it be okay?" I closed my eyes, holding his hand against my cheek.

"I'd never forget you. And it would never be okay. I wouldn't want you gone."

"But even if I was gone… I'd still be in your heart."

"Oh my God, Roxas. You're not going to-"

I smiled, "you… you make a good Other."

* * *

I don't want to remember anymore.

I don't want my heart anymore.

I don't want to _be_ anymore…

I can't stand to look at my brother or my friends. They get to be happy. They try to cheer me up, but all they do is bring up more memories. Their worried. And my parent… their worried too. Everyone worries and… I hate it. No one can enjoy life when the small thought that goes 'hey, something's wrong with Roxas,' keeps buzzing in the back of their minds.

I want to be happy again. And I try, but…

Every time I look at someone, memories of them return to me. I can't even tell my memories from someone else's anymore. I can't sleep, or think, or concentrate.

I just… can't.

I don't want… to exist anymore.

But… I don't want to take myself away from everyone. I don't want to be the sad memory of a lost child, or brother, or friend. I don't want to be the painful memory. I know what those are like. And… I don't want to hurt anyone.

* * *

"Axel… he remembered me. He probably remembered me before I did him. He told me he still loved me, but…"

"Roxas... will you try again? For me?"

"Why? So I can't get my hopes crushed again? What's the point? I don't even care anymore…"

"But Roxas, your _heart-_"

"Don't you get it Naminé? I never _had_ a heart! _Sora_ had the heart, not me… I was just a piece of memory needed to complete that heart. Naminé… why didn't you tell me I'd go away? Disappear?"

"Because you won't. You'll be _whole_."

"No. Sora will be. I'll go away. Naminé… I'm not meant to exist. No matter what I lose."

"Roxas…"

"Can… can I ever forget?"

* * *

I haven't seen Axel in a while… and as much as it ails my 'heart' I… don't think I care. Besides… he cast me aside…

I hope, Axel, that you realized I refuse to continue living with this. With these… these memories. I refuse to grow up unhappy and taunted.

But… there's no way to forget. 'Impossible,' she said. Unless… I… unless I _end_ this life.

* * *

It really isn't my choice. This is my second life. My second chance.

But I can't choose.

I didn't choose to remember.

Naminé did that.

I can't decide anything.

I didn't get to decide wheatear or not _my_ 'heart' was unlocked.

Axel did that.

I can't stop anything.

I can't live happy everyday or grow up without wondering how things could be different.

I can't control it.

All I can do… is end it.

* * *

What's the _worse_ thing that could happen if I was gone?"

What if the world woke up to find I took my life away from them?

Mother… and father… my parent… they'd be devastated. Fifteen years wasted on _two_ children only to have just one grow up. But… they'd still have Sora…

And Sora. My brother, my twin, my other half… he's be sad, at first, but he'd have his friends to cheer him up. He'd get over it. He wouldn't know it at first, but only needing to worry about himself and not me too, would be the best thing I could do for him.

Everyone has someone. I have no one. They'd all be able to cope. I can't. They could get over their memories. Hold on only to the happy ones. I can't just pick and chose.

* * *

How would the world be with one less angsty, hormonal teen?

It wouldn't make _that_ much of a difference.

_Sure_, some people may be sad.

But… people will get over it.

The world doesn't need me. Besides… I'm a nobody.

A _Nobody._

Of course, Axel, you wouldn't have the right to be sad if I were gone. It would be _your_ fault.

But really… if I needed to be gone, it wouldn't be hard.

I mean…

No one would miss me.

* * *

"Roxas! Roxas _please!_ Where are you going?"

"Sora don't follow me."

"Roxas! I won't let you do this!"

"Do what? Run away from home? Aw, you're such a sweet child, thinking of your parents like that."

"_Our_ parents! And I'm not thinking of them, I'm thinking of _you_!"

"Ooh, not such a sweet child after all."

"You know what I mean! I won't let you-"

"What's going on?"

"Naminé. Good I needed to talk to you," I spoke calmly.

"Roxas! _Please_!" Sora sobbed.

"Sora, what's wrong?"

"Naminé! Don't let him go!"

"Go where?"

"I'm leaving."

"Leaving? Where will you go?"

"He's going to _kill_ himself Naminé!"

"Roxas, you what?"

"I don't want to remember."

"What does he mean, Naminé?"

"S-Sora, I need you to calm down."

"'calm down?' This is my _brother_ we're talking about!"

"Shhh, listen. Now, I need you to do me a favour. Go to Kairi's house. Go get Axel. Tell him to come here then go home."

"What? No! No, he has nothing to do with this! Why can _he_ be here and not me?"

"Sora, please, you need to trust me. And I need to talk some sense into your brother."

Sora stood quiet, shaking his head.

"Sora… please… listen to her."

My brother looked at me sadly, "don't… don't let him do anything more okay?"

"I'll return to you, Sora," I watched my brother run quickly until he was out of sight.

"What did he mean by 'more'?"

"I don't know…"

"Roxas… show me your hands."

I did so obediently and completely unhesitant. I pulled my arms from behind my back, watching a little amused as her eyes widened at the sight of my blood gushing from my wrists.

"Roxas… what were you thinking?"

* * *

"Axel."

"Naminé."

"We need to talk to you," Naminé spoke sweetly, but sternly.

"Fine."

"Roxas… has decided that he wants his heart back."

"Yeah and I decided that I won't give it to him."

"How can you be so-?"

"I don't want to lose him! He'll be gone!"

"Either way Axel, you lose him."

"Naminé, don't be so sweet about it," I turned to Axel, placing my hand on his cheek. "He's already lost me."

Axel's annoyed and angered expression melted to one of horror and disbelief. His eyes widened and I could feel his body shaking.

"Roxas! What the hell have you done?" quickly, Axel grabbed both of my arms, referring to the blood.

"I don't know… you wouldn't end this life for me so I decided to do it myself."

"Roxas you-"

"Don't speak. I thought I loved you, but… I never had anything to love you with. I can't love you Axel, but… I can't hate you either."

"Roxy, I-"

"Don't call me that. Listen, Axel. One way or another, my life will be over tonight. By my hand or your words. I can do it myself, or you can unlock my heart, and I can return to Sora."

He and Naminé both remained dreadfully quiet.

"At first… I was really confused. I had these memories, these dreams, of you that made me very sad, but hopeful. But now the memories haunt me and they've been ruining my life. There's no way to stop it or forget them _and_ keep living. And so, Axel, I want my heart back."

Axel's jaw dropped to speak, but he clamped it shut and just nodded his head.

I stood on my toes, placing a small kiss over Axel's lips, "I can only ever _want_ to love you…" I whispered, making sure only Axel could here my parting words, "maybe… it's best… if we don't meet in the next life…"


	9. EXTRA:Not A Stranger

Not A Stranger

"Axel, where are you going?"

The young Redhead stood at the doorway. Just moments away from leaving the house and he was caught, "no where mommy!"

"Axel, if you're going the beach again, you better take your sister with you this time."

Axel stomped around in his small red boots, "mommy! I don't wanna!"

"Sweetie, you never go with her. How would you feel if she went without you?"

He rolled his eyes, "but mommy! What if I lose her? What if she runs away? What if she drowns? What if-?"

"o-on second though… you should just go by yourself."

Axel smirked, opening the door and walking out. Of course that worked with his 'mother' every time. He did, after all, have the mind of a fully matured adult.

Walking to the beach, Axel looked at the reflection of his eleven-year-old face in disgust. He couldn't stand his young age. Even more so, he could stand his situation: a grown man reborn in a new body. His mother was not his real mother. And Kairi was not his real sister. He didn't remember much from his past life, but he _did_ know he wasn't eleven.

When Axel got to the beach it was near sunset. He didn't know why he was there or what he was going to do, but there was always the urge that called him out of the house at sunset. Like something was waiting for him.

It didn't take Axel long to get bored and just moment after wishing he had taken Kairi (just so he'd have something to do); he heard soft sobs coming from a tree behind him. Axel looked at the tree skeptically. Now it wasn't everyday he'd see a talking tree.

"Mommy…" the tree sobbed.

"Mommy?" Axel repeated. He didn't think tress had mommies. And with that though, he cursed his childish imagination and kicked the tree.

At that moment a young boy crawled from behind the tree. He looked about Kairi's age with soft spikes on his head and tears pouring from his blue eyes.

Axel's eyes widened. Somehow… he knew this kid…

"Um…" Axel looked down at the boy, unsure of what to do.

The boy started crying again.

"Uh- what! Don't cry! What's wrong?"

"m-my brother! I lost my brother… mommy will be mad if I go home without him again."

"Again?"

"He… runs away a lot."

"Oh…" Axel frowned a little. What kind of kid runs away leaving his brother all alone? "w-well… um… maybe I could… help you find him?" Axel asked, offering his hand to the boy.

"o-okay..." the boy took Axel's hand and stood.

"Soooo… what does your brother look like?"

"I don't know…"

_Gee thanks, kid. That's just great…_

"Mommy says we look alike."

"Twins?"

The boy nodded.

"Oh… and… uh where did you see him last?"

"I dunno…"

"Oh…" _figures._

The two walked around the beach searching for the boy's brother. Axel wasn't much help though; he kept thinking that he knew the kid.

Maybe… the boy was like Axel. Maybe they knew each other in a past life.

"Did you hear me?"

"What?" Axel looked down at the boy.

"I asked what 'is your name?' "

"Oh… it's Axel."

"Axel…"

Axel watched the boy process his name, as if contemplating its meaning.

"Oh… mines is Sora."

_Sora…_ that name didn't seem to ring any bells… so maybe… he was just another normal kid…

"Hey, what's your brother's-?"

"Sora!" a voice called from behind the two.

"Riku!" Sora yelled before even turning around.

A silver-haired boy walked up to Axel and Sora holding the hand of another younger boy. Axel frowned when he saw the small blonde boy holding Riku's hand tightly. Immediately, Axel released Sora's hand and grabbed the blonde's. He looked up at Axel with eyes that tore at his heart. Axel ran from the other children taking the blonde with him.

"Wait! Axel! That's my brother!"

When the two made it to the other end of the beach, Axel released the boy's hand and wrapped his arms around him, holding the boy close.

Memories rushed through Axel's head all at once, each trying to be louder than the others. His head filled with the images of a boy. The secrets of a love. The whispers of a promise. _This_ was his heart…

"Why?" the boy asked a little emotionlessly.

"I miss you."

The boy blinked, "okay…" He hugged Axel back for no real reason.

Axel looked at the boy's face. _ Better than the sunset_, he thought.

"What's your name?"

"…"

"Will you tell me?"

"Roxas…"

Axel smiled, tears leaking from his eyes.

Roxas's eyes widened, showing the first bit of emotion Axel had seen from the boy. Roxas stood on his toes, putting his hands on Axel's shoulders to pull him to his own height. He closed his eyes, his eyelashes brushing Axel's cheek at the same time as his lips did.

"Do you remember me?"

"w-what?" Axel asked shocked.

"That's okay… I don't remember you either."

Axel looked at Roxas confused, _is he messing with me?_

"If you didn't know me, why would my name make you cry? We've never met, right?"

"… right… we've never met…"


End file.
